Late-night shows are ‘Chopped…– Stephen Colbert
Late-night shows are ‘Chopped.’ Who are your guests tonight? Your guests tonight are veal tongue, coffee grounds and gummy bears. There, make a show … Make an appetizer that appeals to millions of people. That’s what I like. How could you possibly do it? Oh, you bring in your own flavors. Your own house band […]
There’s a degree of narcissism involved in …– Stephen Colbert
There’s a degree of narcissism involved in anything in show business. I mean, you can’t do it without a healthy ego. Why would you want anybody to listen to you?
I have a doctorate in fine arts from Knox College …– Stephen Colbert
I have a doctorate in fine arts from Knox College in Illinois. All I did was give a speech, and now everybody has to call me Dr. Colbert.
I used to write things for friends…– Stephen Colbert
I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn’t like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
My father always wanted to be ‘Col-bear…– Stephen Colbert
My father always wanted to be ‘Col-bear.’ He lived in the same town as his father, and his father didn’t like the idea of the name with the French pronunciation. So my father said to us, ‘Do what you want. You’re not going to offend anybody.’ And he was dead long before I made my […]
It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own …– Stephen Colbert
It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that’s not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.
I liked comedy as a kid…– Stephen Colbert
I liked comedy as a kid. When I was a kid, I’d go to sleep to, like, Bill Cosby albums every night. I’d listen to ‘Bill Cosby Is A Very Funny Fellow… Right!’ and ‘Wonderfulness,’ which are two of his most famous albums. Then the next night, I’d flip them over, ’cause it was the […]
I like to do things that are publicly …– Stephen Colbert
I like to do things that are publicly embarrassing, to feel the embarrassment touch me and sink into me and then be gone. I like getting on elevators and singing too loudly in that small space. The feeling you feel is almost like a vapor. The discomfort and the wishing that it would end that […]
Isn’t an agnostic just an atheist without …– Stephen Colbert
Isn’t an agnostic just an atheist without balls?
Don’t be afraid to make things up…– Stephen Colbert
Don’t be afraid to make things up. Never fear being exposed as a fraud. Experts make things up all the time. They’re qualified to.